I was reading Ryan Dobson's book 2 Live 4 a few weeks ago, and he was talking about the praying. He pointed out that a lot of the time we feel like we have to praise God and thank Him for everything before we can get down to the point of our prayer. And there are times when we don't feel like praising so we just talk ourselves out of praying all together, and he then pointed out sometimes u just need to talk to God first and praise later. The line that stood out to me the most was "Have you ever just sat down and told God that your life is garbage?" I feel like doing that right now. I woke up today to find only more junk piled on to everything else.
I know I have plenty to be thankful for, but life really is garbage right now. We found out this week that my grandfather has a knot on his back, and this knot is a form of neurofibromatosis called Schwanoma. Basically, it's a tumor. And it is sittin directly on his spine, and if it's not removed soon he'll be paralyzed. Only problem is as soon as he gets done w/rehab he has to go right back into surgery and we'll have to this whole ordeal over again. He may never even get to go home in between rehab and surgery.
School has gotten ridiculous. Teachers have decided to not prepare us for the AP tests until the last 6 weeks. Most classes have become pointless. Economics has started the stock market game, which I'm totally lost in. AP Chemistry has gone somewhere WAY over my head and my teacher doesn't seem to care to explain it to me. I'm so tired I can't stay awake in my classes, and when I do I'm confused anyway. I'm hanging on to my grades the best I can, and I have a feeling they're slipping.
The social side of school is even worse than the academic side. Everyone is mad at everyone else because of prom. I'm SO sick of hearing about who took who's people that belonged in their limo and blah blah blah. It's like going to school with preschoolers. And girls come into class crying because some guy already had a date to prom. And people are having explosive fights because they're all in the same limo but wanna go different places for dinner. Does it seriously matter? It's one night of our lives, and yes it's a special one and everyone stresses. But there's no reason to hate someone for it.
Also here lately I've realized some of my relationships aren't too great. I mean some people just flat out aren't talkin to me, and won't tell me why. If I'd done something I'd own up to it, but I honestly do NOT know. I've also realized a lot of the friends I do have, I have very surface relationships with. There's a difference between knowing and understanding each other, and they simply just know me. I've just had to question if a lot of relationships in my life should even continue. And then today I found out one of the best friends I have is moving in 3 weeks. She doesn't even get to finish out the school year with us. She's the only person I feel like totally gets me right now, other than God, and we're losing each other in 3 weeks. It's one of those things where u just have to stop and say "why God?"
Sorry for the long post. Just some things I needed to get out.
**edit** love this quote
It's 2 AM and
She's lying on her bed
Staring at the ceiling
All these thoughts in her head
Just so confused
Doesn't know what to do
In need of someone to talk to
But doesn't know who
So she just lies there
Her eyes fixed on the ceiling
With her headphones blaring
But nothing, she's hearing
Makes sense anymore.
**edit** And it just keep coming. | 
